Tuesday, August 18, 2009


Two weeks ago I wondered into the salon and spa near my house to get a mani/pedi. While waiting for the manicurist, I picked up a brochure about lypossage. Hmmm. Sounds interesting. I flip through the before and after pics and I am stunned at the results. Women with lumps and bumps who look just like me are gloriously transformed into smooth skinned creatures with nary a lump in sight. I am intrigued even more. Flip over to the pricing page and I'm in shock. I knew it wouldn't be cheap, but my word!

I ask the manicurist if she knows anything about it and she says it is not what you would call a relaxing massage. She says some people can handle it, and some can't. I am afraid. I'm pretty much a wimp and I bruise easily. I put the brochure in my purse and carry it around for a couple of days when I finally decide it's worth a shot.

E-mail to Cousin 8/11/09 at 2:10pm: "...I'm going to get lypossage. This will be my first one. You're supposed to get them done in a series, but I only booked one becasue I heard they can be painful and you can even bruise from it, so I wanted to try it out before I spend a ton of money because you know I'm a delicate little flower. :)

Text to Cousin 8/11/09 at 6:41pm: "I have been literally beaten, slapped, and indian rug burned all over my body! going back friday for some more."

E-mail from Cousin 8/12/09: "You sore today?"

Response: "A little, but not as bad as I thought I would be. Surprised to not find any bruising. That massage is not for sissies. I had to use Jedi mind tricks to stay on that table!"

Cousin: "I am out. Cause I am a sissy."

When I arrived for Round 2 on Friday the masseuse informed me that she would be going a little deeper this time. I'm thinking, "How is that possible?" I lay face down on the table and with my eyes squeezed shut I repeat to myself, "I'm on a beach in Kaui. I'm on a beach in Kaui. I'M ON A BEACH IN KAUI!" I feel that I am either the biggest fool to walk the earth, or I am a brave crusader on a voyage of new discovery.

The morning after round 2 I have a 4 inch long bruise on my left upper arm and 2 small round bruises on my upper buttocks. I have purchased 6 treatments and have 5 more to go. My next appointment is tomorrow. Hopefully my bruises will be gone by then and we can start from scratch!

I will keep you all posted on my progress or lack thereof. Maybe I can save some of you the agony!


  1. I assume you have Dean on standby during each treatment.

  2. Need before and after shots...guess we'll just have to take your word if it works. Just kidding just kidding.

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  4. oh my gosh, so please - post your lypossage results!!!!! inquiring minds want to know! :-)

  5. Hi! I'm a massage therapist and trying to decide on whether to get training in Lyoossage. Can you please let me know what your results were and if you think it's worth the training?