Lypossage

Two weeks ago I wondered into the salon and spa near my house to get a mani/pedi. While waiting for the manicurist, I picked up a brochure about lypossage. Hmmm. Sounds interesting. I flip through the before and after pics and I am stunned at the results. Women with lumps and bumps who look just like me are gloriously transformed into smooth skinned creatures with nary a lump in sight. I am intrigued even more. Flip over to the pricing page and I'm in shock. I knew it wouldn't be cheap, but my word!

I ask the manicurist if she knows anything about it and she says it is not what you would call a relaxing massage. She says some people can handle it, and some can't. I am afraid. I'm pretty much a wimp and I bruise easily. I put the brochure in my purse and carry it around for a couple of days when I finally decide it's worth a shot.

E-mail to Cousin 8/11/09 at 2:10pm: "...I'm going to get lypossage. This will be my first one. You're supposed to get them done in a series, but I only booked one becasue I heard they can be painful and you can even bruise from it, so I wanted to try it out before I spend a ton of money because you know I'm a delicate little flower. :)

Text to Cousin 8/11/09 at 6:41pm: "I have been literally beaten, slapped, and indian rug burned all over my body! going back friday for some more."

E-mail from Cousin 8/12/09: "You sore today?"

Response: "A little, but not as bad as I thought I would be. Surprised to not find any bruising. That massage is not for sissies. I had to use Jedi mind tricks to stay on that table!"

Cousin: "I am out. Cause I am a sissy."

When I arrived for Round 2 on Friday the masseuse informed me that she would be going a little deeper this time. I'm thinking, "How is that possible?" I lay face down on the table and with my eyes squeezed shut I repeat to myself, "I'm on a beach in Kaui. I'm on a beach in Kaui. I'M ON A BEACH IN KAUI!" I feel that I am either the biggest fool to walk the earth, or I am a brave crusader on a voyage of new discovery.

The morning after round 2 I have a 4 inch long bruise on my left upper arm and 2 small round bruises on my upper buttocks. I have purchased 6 treatments and have 5 more to go. My next appointment is tomorrow. Hopefully my bruises will be gone by then and we can start from scratch!

I will keep you all posted on my progress or lack thereof. Maybe I can save some of you the agony!